[Working on letting go of the person I never became]
[🦋]
[So I can accept the person I am becoming]
US Helplines:
- Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
- Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
- LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
- Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
- Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
- Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
- Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
- Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
- Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
- Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
- Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
UK Helplines:
- Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org
- Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
- Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk
- Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk
- b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk
- b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
- Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk
- Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
- Drinkline: 0800 9178282
- Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk
- Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
- India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614
- India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669
- Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868
FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:
- Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430
- Australia: 13-11-14
- Austria: 01-713-3374
- Barbados: 429-9999
- Belgium: 106
- Botswana: 391-1270
- Brazil: 21-233-9191
- China: 852-2382-0000
- (Hong Kong: 2389-2222)
- Costa Rica: 606-253-5439
- Croatia: 01-4833-888
- Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67
- Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908
- Denmark: 70-201-201
- Egypt: 762-1602
- Estonia: 6-558-088
- Finland: 040-5032199
- France: 01-45-39-4000
- Germany: 0800-181-0721
- Greece: 1018
- Guatemala: 502-234-1239
- Holland: 0900-0767
- Honduras: 504-237-3623
- Hungary: 06-80-820-111
- Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90
- Israel: 09-8892333
- Italy: 06-705-4444
- Japan: 3-5286-9090
- Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292
- Malaysia: 03-756-8144
- (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)
- Mexico: 525-510-2550
- Netherlands: 0900-0767
- New Zealand: 4-473-9739
- New Guinea: 675-326-0011
- Nicaragua: 505-268-6171
- Norway: 47-815-33-300
- Philippines: 02-896-9191
- Poland: 52-70-000
- Portugal: 239-72-10-10
- Russia: 8-20-222-82-10
- Spain: 91-459-00-50
- South Africa: 0861-322-322
- South Korea: 2-715-8600
- Sweden: 031-711-2400
- Switzerland: 143
- Taiwan: 0800-788-995
- Thailand: 02-249-9977
- Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
- Ukraine: 0487-327715
(Source)
ALWAYS REBLOG WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS PLEASE; ITS SO MUCH MORE THAN IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE. IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO SOMEBODY AND EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT SEE THIS IN THE SAME LIGHT, SOMEONE MIGHT. INFACT YOU REBLOGGING THIS COULD STOP SOMEONE TAKING THEIR LIFE TONIGHT.
I noticed there isn’t one here for Ireland, so
Irish free suicide helpline: 01-116 123
last time i reblogged this, i got this ask:
so please, please reblog. this could actually save a life.
Favorite photos from my trip to Melbourne thus far! 💖
Delicate fanart
pencil by @p3ac3fulfor3st who is writing a very charming chase/jack fic titled Delicate, go chack it
I AM HONORED HOLY CROW
Here’s the link to Delicate: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12898602/1/Delicate
Big Dreams (reblog and post yours)
-Own a small house with lots of natural lighting, a bathtub, and hardwood floors
-Plant a garden (vegetables, herbs, flowers, plants that support the bees)
-Work in a library or a museum
-Have a pet (either a golden retriever, german shepherd, pit bull, or hypoallergenic cat)
-Buy myself a Switch or a PS4 or a PSVita (or all 3)
-Self-publish my books on Amazon
-Learn to make incredible coffee
hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak
- socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
- climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
- crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell
- the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
- do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer
Also. Breath with your mouth and not your nose. Your nose will whistle. Trust me.
If you need to get into your fridge, jab your finger into the rubber part that seals the door closed and create a tiny airway. This will prevent the suction noise when you open the door.
When drinking liquids (juice mostly), pour out your glass (or chug from the jug) and replace what you drank with water. If it was full enough in the beginning, no one will notice. DO NOT STEAL ALCOHOL. THEY WILL NOTICE IF IT’S WATERED DOWN.
Bring a pillowcase for dried foods like cereal and granola. It helps to muffle the sound it makes when it pours.
If your house has snack packs (like gummy bears or crackers or chips), count them every day until you know the rhythm that they get consumed. (This took me a week and a half with my twin brother and sister). Then join the rhythm when you make your nightly visits. It will be that much harder to figure out it was you.
KEEP A TRASH BAG UNDER YOUR BED FOR WRAPPERS AND STUFF BUT DONT FORGET TO THROW IT OUT WHENEVER YOU CAN. BUGS YKNOW.
Hope this helped.
I might have some useful info to add.
-a jar of peanut butter is long lasting and easy to hide under a bed or in a dresser drawer. I lived off of jars of peanut butter and boxes of saltine crackers I would buy on grocery trips with my mom.
-two words: Slipper Socks. These are the socks that have rubber designs on the bottom for grip. They make no noise, and also keep you steady on slicker surfaces like tile and wood. You can find them cheap at Walmart. They also keep your feet more protected if you’re outside.
-if you’re secure enough in your room to have a small food stash, make sure you’re not too obvious about it (duh) but also move its location every few days. I kept mine in a shoebox under my bed, then switched it to a backpack in my closet, then wedged between my bookshelf and wall, and I would cycle locations until i moved it permanently to a false-bottomed drawer I installed in my dresser when my father was gone for a weekend. I would NEVER put food directly into my stash after taking it. I would keep it in pockets of my clothes and between books until everyone went to sleep, then I’d stock and stow my stash for the next few days.
-get a water bottle with a filter in it. I used to be able to reach my bathroom from my bedroom door down the hall using a huge step or minor jump/leap. If I was afraid of being caught at night, I’d fill up the humidifier tank we kept under our sink while I took a short shower, and would refill my water that way. It might not be the best option, but I kept a small stockade of water under my bed for emergencies.
-if you can, smuggle your garbage out in your backpack or purse. Dispose of it at work/school. I got caught twice by carelessly throwing away packaging.
-if someone knows the situation you’re going through (close friend/partner/etc) see if there’s a way for them to get food or other supplies to you at school or work or what private time you may get. A hidden first aid kit literally saved parts of my body before and I owe it to a close friend.
-try learning the building’s natural rhythm. The house I grew up in would creak and settle heavily every night for 3-5 minutes. That was my shot, and I had to be QUICK. I still got caught a few times, but learning the patterns in our floors and walls, when they creaked, WHERE they creaked, kept me going. Eventually I was sprinting in slipper socks to the kitchen and back in less than 90 seconds.
-if you have stairs, or live upstairs. Sit as you go down them one at a time, or climb up them like an animal. It keeps you low/out of lots of motion sight, and also can reduce noise and creaking by distributing weight over more than 1-2 steps.
-You can use common hand sanitizer to remove the stains certain snack foods leave behind (coughs cheeto fingers) and a dry toothbrush can help scrub the color off your tongue. If you can get powdered toothpaste or toothpaste tabs to keep on hand, it makes a huge difference in sneakiness.
-I don’t recommend going for dried foods like granola or cereal unless you can sneak it to a secure place to get it. It’s too loud, it’s a gamble every time for something with less caloric intake than it’s worth if you get caught. Of course, there are times when that’s the only option!!
-if you’re taking milk, add water, but be SURE to shake/agitate the bottle to distribute the dairy fat with the water. I got into the habit of shaking milk jugs when I started sneaking it, and explained the habit as something I read in an old comic strip my father showed me. (Back when whole milk had a lot more cream fats and they’d separate, so shaking it would redistribute the cream.) I still shake milk jugs to this day.
-if your windows open or don’t have screens, eat leaning out an open window. Any food mess will be lost in the dirt. I was lucky I had bushes and birds outside that would catch my granola bar crumbs before anyone could notice.
-canned goods are tempting, but not worth it. It requires too many tools (can opener/strained sometimes/utensils/some need heat) stick to thinks like various nut butters (sunflower/peanut/almond), crackers, dried fruit, and easy to conceal food bars (nature valley/nutrigrain/etc.) dried ramen packets are good uncooked if you can stand the texture. Apple sauce and pudding cups are also easier to sneak and stash than one might think, and can be eaten with your fingers. The only canned foods I recommend are condensed soups and precooked pasta (spaghetti-o’s). You can easily mix them with a little bit of hot water from the tap and get something more sustaining than a handful of captain Crunch. The cans are cheap, sometimes recyclable, and drinking soup takes way less time than chewing solid food.
-if you menstruate, attempt to stash pads/tampons in a safe location. Sometimes shit happens. Pads can work as bandages in emergency situations. Sometimes shark week comes unexpectedly. If you can sneak a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, these are also life savers.
-plastic utensils from takeout containers can be hidden inside socks and will be worth their weight in gold when you least expect it. I bought myself a tiny plastic bowl from the dollar store and kept cheap trinkets in it on my desk so it didn’t seem like a bowl I was eating out of. You could try this with something like a mason jar, which is also useful for drinking out of or storing water.
-if you’re eating a crunchy or solid food, try soaking it in water. Mushy food can be repulsive in texture, but I could clock the sound of someone eating a nature valley oat bar from like 6 miles away. Dunking it in water (or using a secret bowl+water) can reduce noise, and also eating time since you don’t have to chew as much.
-keep a laundry bar or tide pen on you. Laundry bars are super useful, a little hard to find though. I washed a lot of stains out of my clothes with laundry bars in my bathroom sink as a kid. Not proud if it, but it kept me flying under the radar at school.
-clear rubber bands, plain twine or string, paper clips, and thumb tacks. Indescribably useful. I once rigged a system to open tricky cabinets and get objects from inside using two paper clips and a foot of plain string like a mock lasso system.
-if you’re pulling objects from tall cabinets, use your chest or stomach to cushion them. Let them fall into your torso and then into your hands cradled underneath. Not as loud, not as much grabbing, if someone sees it they can mistake it for it falling on you by the body language.
-get a bandana. Or four. Napkins, bandages, tool, and accessory all in one.
-get a tiny sewing kit. I’m talking 3 needles and a spool of thread tiny. Scissors if you can sneak it. See things into your clothes. Make hidden pockets or compartments. Threadbanger on YouTube did a video a few years ago about sneaking things into music festivals using tiny clothing mods, but they may be useful in sneaking money or medicine.
-on the topic of sneaking money. don’t take bills, take change. If your abusers don’t meticulously count their nickels and pennies, they’re an easy(ish) way to build up a tiny savings pool. I found nickels the least noticed coin I took, even more than pennies, and taking two every few nights from where they’d be tossed on our countertop soon built up to a semi-reliable fund I passed off to someone to get me food for my stash without having to sneak it from the kitchen. As soon as I became “independent” in my food storage, I was subjected to much less scrutiny. I managed to build up a solid 1-2 week ration supply after hoarding change.
-you can tape SD cards to the inside of book dust covers(the part that folds inside the actual cover of the book), if you have a sewing kit or zipper on it inside the stuffing of your pillow (trim a corner, stuff it inside, stitch it closed) or (this is final resort) VERY CAREFULLY remove the covering from your outlet and tape it to the wall stud before replacing the casing. I kept mine inside part of my wooden bed frame that I hollowed out using, you guessed it, take out silverware knives and 4 nights without sleep.
-THE FLOOR IS LAVA WAS KEY TRAINING FOR ME AS A CHILD. I learned to take pillows with me, climb on furniture to disrupt my flow of movement, toss a pillow down, and use that to cushion any rattle our living room could give off as I crept to the kitchen from the side entrance so my mom’s dog wouldn’t bark or alert anyone. I highly suggest crawling around on all fours like some sort of beast to stay out of sight.
-can you run your house blindfolded?? If you can’t. Maybe you should try to learn. I suffered some heavy eye traumas growing up and had a collective 3-4 months just IN THE DARK. Eyes bandaged, left alone. It was terrible, but damn if I couldn’t navigate the whole place silently, without any visual cues. This helps a lot with the whole moving around in the dark thing, too. Listening is obviously key.
-if your parents start getting suspicious, or you’re suspicious they’re getting suspicious, watch out for traps. String on the ground that gets shifted when you walk on it. Baby powder or flour left to track footprints or doors opening/closing. My dad was partial to wrapping a bungee cord around my doorknob and attaching it to the closet across the hallway. I wouldn’t be able to open my door enough to get out, or if I did, I risked ruining the structural integrity of the wrappings he did, and he would notice.
-learn to tie some knots. Strong ones. They’ll come in handy at one point or another.
-remember that you’re not totally alone. There’s people out there for you. Wanting to make everything better. You don’t deserve what’s happening, it isn’t normal, and you will eventually find help. But staying safe is important, and you are important.
It upsets me that people might need to know these but I know it could really help someone by reblogging
ALWAYS REBLOG
types of healthy coping skills
1. self-soothing
comforting yourself through the 5 senses
Touch: stuffed animals, stress balls, taking a bath, a soft blanket
Hear: music, audio book, guided relaxation
See: snow globe, glitter, calming images, art, anything that pleases you visually
Taste: tea, mints, gum
Smell: lotion, candles, incense
2. distraction
removing your focus from the stressor for a period of time
puzzles, art, crafting, reading, movies, gaming, exercise, being social
3. opposite action
doing the opposite of the impulse that aligns with a positive emotion
affirmations, inspiration, lighthearted and encouraging focus
4. emotional awareness
identifying and constructively expressing what you’re feeling
journaling, listing emotions, using a emotional identification chart, drawing, therapy
5. mindfulness
centering and anchoring yourself to the present moment
meditation, guided relaxation, yoga, breathing exercises, candle gazing, going for a walk
6. ask for help
this is important to do when you feel like your coping skills are not enough or they are too negative and detrimental
therapy is ideal for helping a person create a healthy coping strategy and incorporate it into their life
*a coping skill is considered healthy if it helps you to deal with stress more positively, does not hinder your progress, and isn’t harmful physically or mentally. A coping skill can become negative when it is used to completely avoid dealing with the stressor.
Selfie party! Some of my favorite outfits over the past couple of weeks ❤️
tips for treating yoself
body:
- Exfoliate once or twice a week.
- Let your vagina breathe - don’t wear underwear to bed unless you’re on your period.
- Change your pad/tampon/etc at least twice a day.
- Don’t wash up inside your vagina (aka douching) it will tip the pH balance in your vagina and you will end up with an infection, you can wash around your thighs/pubic area but that’s it, same applies with perfumes and other body cosmetics.
- Use coconut oil its good for so many things!!
- Use body butters after getting out of the shower.
- Use tea-tree oil for pimples.
- Use sunscreen!!!
- For people with oily skin - use blotting paper around your eyes and in your T - zone.
- Don’t squeeze/pick at pimples - the bacteria on your hands will only make them worse and will create more redness.
- Always use moisturiser before applying makeup
- When washing your vagina, lift up the clitoral hood and softly rub your finger along the hood to wipe away dead skin cells. If you end up masturbating, fuck it.
Hair:
- Wash your hair every 2-3 days. Don’t wash every day because it will make your head dry, try dry shampoos instead.
- Use conditioning treatments weekly in the summer to prevent your hair from losing it’s colour.
- Brush your curls with your fingers to create a more tousled look.
- Before blow drying your hair use volumizing spray or gel on your roots for more definition in your hair.
- Use shampoos that are sulfate free as sulfates dry and damage your hair quicker.
- If your hair is greasy avoid conditioning the roots, just the ends.
- Trim your hair every 6-8 weeks so you have healthy hair and no damaged ends.
- Use avacado oil on your hair in the winter to stop your hair from drying out.
- Dry shampoo is also very good for volumizing your hair.
- The best way to get rid of ingrown hair is to exfoliate.
- Avoid dry shaving your pubes, this will cause redness and spots which are easily treated with hydrocortisone cream or aloe vera.
- If you are to shave, use conditioner instead of shaving cream - you will get a smoother result - that goes for anywhere you shave.
- If you have a big ole mess in your pants try trimming your bush before you shave/wax it.
- Waxing HURTS so if you’re dealing with the burns then place a cold towel in the sore area and leave it for about 15 minutes and then apply aloe.
- If you experience chest/breast hair the best thing to do is pluck the hairs, it’s painful but rewarding.
Makeup:
- Clean your makeup brushes, regularly along with any other makeup appliances (beauty blenders, makeup pads) in a mix of warm water and a little bit of soap.
- Use a blotting tissue and then add a small amout of cream concealer onto your eye makeup to prevent smudging.
- Matte lipstick goes best with a shimmer eye makeup.
- Wearing white eyeliner counteracts the redness in your eyes.
- To make your cheekbones appear higher, use bronzer under the cheekbone and highlighter on the actual cheekbone.
- In summer if you want to avoid caking yourself with foundation - use tinted moisturiser or BB cream instead.
- Always wash your makeup off before going to bed, don’t leave it on.
- Always make sure you blend your foundation so your neck isn’t a different colour to your face.
- Clean your makeup bag out every once in a while and get rid of any products you don’t use - its cleaner, tidier and more hygienic.
- Always make sure you have tape and q-tips handy. Tape is great for a perfect winged eyeliner and q-tips are great for cleaning and tidying up those hard to reach areas.
- Concealer works great for a base for your eye makeup as the makeup will stick to it.
- Using highlighter and illuminators on your cheekbones, browbone and cupid’s bow for a “dewy look”.
- When using cream products like eyeshadow or blush - use translucent powder to set it in place.
- Kat Von-D lipstick is blow job proof :)
- Replace mascara and eyeliners every 3 months or so.
- Don’t share makeup/appliances for your eyes, it may cause infections like conjunctivitis and maybe a sty.
- Blot your lips after applying lipstick to avoid getting lipstick teeth.
General:
- Change your bra every 5-11 days.
- Always make sure your feet are dry before putting on socks and shoes to prevent fungal infections.
- Wash blood stained clothes in cold water with 2 tablespoons of salt.
- Try your own homemade beauty recipes.
- If you peel/lick your lips it will damage them, don’t do that.
- Applying eye cream on the cuticles of your nails will make them stronger and healthier.
- Always carry tampons/pads even when you’re not on your period, someone else might need them.
- Clean out your purse!! Get rid of all that junk and you will thank yourself next time you’re looking for something.
- Masturbate. Whenever you can, it’s rewarding and good for you. (yes girls masturbate too).
- Always pee after sex/masturbation to help avoid getting a UTI.
- Bio-oil is good for stretch marks (as well as loving them).
- Save some nice underwear for yourself and just wear your dead old pants when you’re on your period.
- Buy yourself some nice underwear/lingerie whenever you can. Make sure it’s 100% cotton though otherwise you can get a yeast infection.
- Test yourself every once in a while for STDs. It’s necessary.
- Carry a condom on you, it’s not just the guy’s responsibility.
- Apply a damp tissue to blotchy, red skin after crying, it will make you look as if you haven’t been crying at all.
- Don’t let boys ruin your day.
- Use a paperclip to clip the back of your bra straps together to create a racerback bra.
- Wrap a maxi pad or pantyliner around any poking underwires in your bra.
- Wash your pillow case every 1-2 weeks to help prevent acne.
- Cucumbers are good for dark circles and puffy eyes just place a slice over your eyes and leave for about 15 minutes.
treat and love yourself and your body will reward you!!!
Maui + Haka
The Haka is a traditional war cry, dance, or challenge from the Māori people of New Zealand. It is a posture dance performed by a group, with vigorous movements and stamping of the feet with rhythmically shouted accompaniment. War haka were originally performed by warriors before a battle, proclaiming their strength and prowess in order to intimidate the opposition, but haka are also performed for for welcoming distinguished guests, or to acknowledge great achievements.
